How Being A Therapist Prepared Me For The Pandemic

First off, I don’t have it all together. No one does. This is a new experience and a collective trauma, and we are all going to have waves of grounding and chaos, energy and lethargy, fear and gratitude, community and loneliness.

What is helping me in these pandemic times, is to ground in some of the themes that I talk about it in therapy with my clients.

In yoga practices, we often have a “drishti” or a focal point for a pose or meditation. For instance, if I am standing in a one-legged balance pose and am looking all around the room or at moving objects, I am going to fall over or be distracted. So, I would be helped in a pose to have the focal point of a potted plant in the room or a spot on the floor or my own breathing to help give me guidance for a challenging pose or practice.

I am leaning on themes of my work to provide these drishtis for myself and my clients. Here are a few themes listed below:

1. Acknowledge Trauma and Grief.
   We are all going through a collective trauma. This doesn’t mean that we are experiencing the pandemic the same way, but there are common themes that come up with trauma and grief. It is part of being a human with a nervous system to have experiences of loss, distractability, tears, irritability, changes in eating and sleeping, hypervigilance, longing for the past or the future, feeling disconnected, anger, fear, anxiety, bargaining.
   We can start by acknowledging that we are having human responses to a threat in our world. With these feelings, it is important to give focus to soothing our nervous system and connecting how we can. We can also have compassion as we witness ourselves going through these experiences.
   And, if you’ve had trauma or traumatic grief in your past, it is really normal that these past experiences would pop up right now. Draw your supports and resources close to you.

2. You get to practice boundaries.
   In Texas and across the country, it is the end of May, the end of a holiday weekend, and there are less stringent shelter in place orders. There are fewer people wearing masks in public and more people are visiting public areas. I am hearing lots of friends, family, and clients having more arguments and pressures concerning the differences in social distancing measures.
   If you weren’t working on boundaries before, there are a lot of “opportunities” to do so now.
   In practicing boundary setting, first be mindful of what your needs are as they will lead you to knowing what your boundaries are.
   Practice being assertive with your boundaries. Being assertive means knowing your wants and needs while respecting others. You don’t need to be aggressive or ask folks, “Are you CRAZY? What are you thinking by _________ (fill in a behavior here).” Try instead to state your concern about the other person’s behavior or simply state what action or perspective you are taking. In setting a boundary with someone else, it is more important that you get across what action you are taking instead of trying to convince the other person to join you.
   We can also have internal boundaries and limit setting with ourselves. For example, we can set boundaries on our own screen and scroll time, or how much we work.
   It is normal to feel uncomfortable while we are practicing boundaries, especially if others don’t like our limit setting or requests. This discomfort does not necessarily mean that you are doing a bad job with boundaries.

3. Watch out for the binaries
   The more stressed out we are, the more we will see things in binaries: fight or flight, all or nothing, wrong or right, free verses fearful. When we see these come up during the pandemic, we can all work to ground and then see at least one more possibility. For example:

   As opposed to being alone or going to see friends, are there are ways that you can connect virtually or through some other creative means (like sitting outside a friend’s window, each with a cup of coffee, talking on the phone but being able to look each other in the eyes).

   You may have concerns about the process of going back to your work and you either want to quit or yell at your boss through Zoom. Another option could be to find like-minded coworkers and present your concerns to your boss or talk to HR about navigating your concerns before making a decision.

4. There’s no absolute safety.
   Speaking of binaries…our minds and bodies are constantly scanning for danger and trying to move us to safety. That’s how we survive and go on as individuals and a species. It is normal to want to look for guarantees on how to handle a situation so that we can stay safe and avoid pain or death.
   The problem is…we don’t have absolute safety in this world. We may feel a relative sense of safety with close friends or family, or by wearing a mask or keeping six feet of distance with others. But none of this is a guarantee. A good friend may seem to be socially distancing, but perhaps they came into contact with an asymptomatic person. It is currently recommended that masks can limit the amount of virus in the air, but it does not create 100% safety from contracting C-19.
   I am not saying this to increase anxiety; I am bringing it up because we can feel really stuck and make mistakes when we assume that safety is absolute and try to make actions or beliefs fit into either “safe” or “not safe” categories.

5. We can all support someone.

   A friend recently mentioned their concern about their friend who was experiencing depression. My friend wanted to know if their friend could call me to talk. I had met this other person before and said that the person could call, clarifying that I wouldn’t be in my role as a therapist, but could certainly offer support and resources. My friend sounded anxious, so I asked about how they were feeling. They said that they would not know what to say to someone who is experiencing depression and feared that they could not be helpful.
   I get the feeling of helplessness and the belief that their are magic words to take away depression. On the rare times that I experiencing those feelings as a therapist, I remind myself to go back to basics. Pause. Breathe on purpose. Ground my feet to the floor. Listen. Look the person in the eyes. Be still. Listen more.
   We can all support someone, and if they are coming to you, know that you can be part of creating a network of support for them by “just listening.” If you think that they would benefit from professional treatment or you have a solution to their problem, do the other things that I mentioned first. Then ask if they want resources or advice.
   In my years as a therapist, I can safely say that people want to be heard, and we all have that super power to share.

   Until next time.

   Please note: While it is normal to have fluctuations in our mood and behaviors during a pandemic, that doesn’t mean you have to go it alone. There are many therapists providing telehealth services, and you can reach out to one if you are experiencing distress, difficulty functioning, or could use extra support. And remember that there is a Crisis Text Line that is 24/7. Just text HOME to 741741.